Learning to Love: The Real Work of a Man

Today’s lesson is about love. The real kind—the kind that challenges you. The kind that doesn’t just comfort, but confronts.

Here’s the truth: The people who love you the most will sometimes be the ones who challenge you the most.

And if they don’t, something’s off.

Love isn’t just hugs and encouragement.

Real love says, “You can do better.”🔥

Real love holds up a mirror—even when you don’t want to look.

I learned that the hard way in my marriage.

There were years—seasons—where I took certain comments from my wife as criticism.

When she expressed her thoughts, I’d get defensive.

I labeled it as judgment.

I made her the problem.

I pulled away.
I fought to be right instead of fighting for us.

But with time, I’ve come to see the truth: she wasn’t attacking me.

She was calling me higher.

She was loving me in the only way she knew how—honestly.

Looking back, those fights, those moments of tension? Many of them were mine to own.

My immaturity. My ego. My unwillingness to look inward.

Conflict takes 200% responsibility—100% from each side.

And that realization changed the game for me.

More recently, a situation with a family member brought all this back.

Emotions ran high. Words were exchanged. Old triggers flared up.

And I had a choice: react like the old me—or respond like the man I’m becoming.

I chose to slow down. To reflect. To sit with discomfort.

And what came up was this: this isn’t punishment—it’s an invitation.

An invitation to love better. To love more maturely.

To love without needing to be in control or to prove anything.

This kind of love? It demands vision.👁️‍🗨️

Tony Robbins calls it “focusing on a more compelling future.”

It’s the image you hold in your mind and your heart of what could be—of who you want to be.

For me, that vision is peace in my home.

Connection with my people.

Becoming a man my family can lean on—not tiptoe around.

That’s what’s getting me through.

Not dwelling on the words said or the heat of the moment—but focusing on the future I want to build.

This doesn’t just apply to relationships.

It applies to workouts, business, and life.

If you focus only on the pain of the rep, the sweat, the exhaustion—you’ll quit.

But if you keep your eyes on the result, the vision, the finish line—you’ll push through.

Same with marriage. Same with family. Same with building anything that matters.

Too many people live without vision. That’s why they drift. That’s why they quit.

That’s why they blow up small problems into big ones—because they’re not aiming at anything greater.

And when that happens in a marriage or a family? It breaks things.

You don’t have to live that way.

You can love better. You can lead better. You can build something that lasts.

But you need vision.

So if you’re feeling the heat in a relationship, don’t just look at the fire.

Look at what it’s burning away.

Maybe it’s ego.

Maybe it’s fear.

Maybe it’s the parts of you that need to go so something stronger can take their place.

This is your invitation:
To stop blaming.
To start building.
To cast a vision.

And to love with everything you’ve got.

You were made for more.

Brant can help.