Posted on /by Brant Phillips/ in Blogs

THE ROOT OF FRUSTRATION

Why are so many men frustrated in today’s world?

Just look in the mirror.

From what I’ve seen, and experienced, frustration comes when the world demands more of us than we want to but are unable to give.

One more time, slightly different and for weightiness effect:
FRUSTRATION COMES WHEN THE WORLD (AKA: LOVED ONES) DEMANDS MORE OF US THAN WE ARE ABLE TO PROVIDE.

This should sting a bit for my frustrated folks reading this because it’s true and you know it.

The problem is not SOMETHING
The problem is not SOMEONE
The problem is YOUR CURRENT CAPACITY.

That’s it.

Your Current Capacity in how you operate is not able to help, provide, solve, support, or change the current situation, nor are you able to adequately manage your emotional state, so you resort to the puss move of being: Frustrated Guy/Dad.

So if you’re the guy who is finding himself frustrated way too frequently, or even at all, here is what you can do:

BE REAL
Just be real about the facts about the situation.

Don’t be upset that little Johnny wants you to go outside and play but you ‘don’t have the time’ or your wife needs/wants ___(insert whatever)___ that you can’t afford right now.

The real issue is you’re burned out, tired, perhaps lazy, and broke and, in your CURRENT CAPACITY, can’t provide certain things to others that you truly would like to provide.

Yes, this even includes you not being able to be emotionally present and disconnect from work or your phone to spend some quality time with your wife or kids.

This is not who you want to be, so you should be frustrated by this if you’re continually showing up this way but frustrated to the point that you’re ready to begin to change.

So be real about the situation whatever it may be, that is step 1. Now step 2.

GET RAW.
You heard me, experience emotion.

Remember, if you’re feeling and acting out with frustration it’s likely because of ~> YOUR INADEQUACIES <~ inside (aka: Your shit, not their shit) and it’s not about the situation, its about the situation inside of YOU.

So yes, connect with those feelings inside so you can feel your pain.

Once you begin to experience that raw emotion and pain, this my friend is the impetus for change to begin to occur. Now, step 3.

STAY RELEVANT
Let’s stay focused here my friend.

Men who aren’t accustomed to connecting with their emotions can do some weird shit and straight off course pretty easily.

Let’s try to focus on one thing at a time here.

Rome wasn’t built in a day and the rebuilding of a frustrated and possibly broken man into a man of stability, connectedness, and controlled wisdom is going to take some time, so let’s focus on the next thing before we look to the other things that can (and should be) be dealt with at a later time. And lastly….

CREATE RESULTS
The good book tells us that ‘ye shall know them by their fruit’, so if you’ve been neglecting little Johnny or Susie because you come home tired every day and you’ve just flat-out done a shitty job of being a father (fruitless), start to change in ways that will provide positive results.

Go outside, pick up a glove and a ball, and throw it with Johnny, or play Barbie dolls with Susie. Whatever it is, just start spending time (aka: investing in your relationships) that you’ve neglected in the past.

Acknowledge to your Queen that you understand she has a want or need that your current financial situation can’t currently provide (if that is truly the case) but show her WITH ACTIONS what you’re doing to resolve that situation to be a better provider in the future. And do this and calmness, peace, and love instead of your old frustrated self.

Once you get Real/Raw/Relevant about how you’ve been showing up as a father now you can begin to apply and extract the lessons you’ve taught yourself and begin to change (aka; show Results).

Look, nobody likes the dude who’s frustrated all the time.

Especially the guy who IS the frustrated one.

Acknowledge your inadequacies.

Begin to experience the emotions and the consequences of your shortcomings.

Focus on what needs to change.

Then simply show up as the Man you can be, who is more than adequate and be that light to others, and stop being the frustrated dick you’ve been in the past.

Life is just better this way. Ask me how I know

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