04 Jan Why Men Need Coaching
Two questions for you today Brother,
1. What dream did you have for yourself when you were young?
2. Why do you think that dream failed to become reality?
If you’re one of the rare few who totally realized their dreams as a kid, and is now living a full and happy life, sincerely, I say congratulations. Hit delete/unsubscribe if you wish.
However, if you’re among the vast majority of those who dreamed of becoming an astronaut, or a professional athlete, a scientist, a millionaire businessman or real estate investor, or maybe even President.
Or maybe you just wanted to live a life of adventure and possibly reshape a little piece of history by what you accomplished in your life. But…. …you’ve found yourself living a boring, monotonous and uneventful life…
…By all means, please read further.
How many times have you stared blankly into an empty space fantasizing and daydreaming about “what if’s” and “what might have been’s”?
“What if I spoke up during that company meeting instead of letting Jim do all the talking which landed him the huge promotion?”
“What if I asked Jenny, the homecoming queen, out instead of pushing my bestfriend Jack to do so which eventually ended with them getting married and me being Jack’s bestman?”
“What if I took that leap of faith and started my own business, instead of playing it safe and trading my time for dollars?”
“What if I didn’t listen to my brother-in-law when he said I was setting myself up for a big failure when I announced I was getting into real estate?”
“What might have happened if I didn’t hold back on that deal I was 100% sure was going to be a winner, instead of letting it slip through?”
“What might my life look now if I just acted on things I knew instinctively as right, instead of letting fear and doubt cloud my judgment?”
“What if” this, “What might have been” that.
Are we really living in a world where all the great and powerful men are left in the pages of history and the everyday man is characterized by obesity, laziness, daydreaming and a general lack of drive?
No wonder the suicide rate is 3.5 times higher for men than for women.
If that does not scare you, well, I’ve just made my point.
So what in the hell is missing?
Ever heard of Tony Robbins? Did you know he was originally coached by none other than Jim Rohn?
What about the great Gary Halbert coaching marketing genius John Carlton, who in turn coached marketing wizard, Frank Kern and a host of present day marketing superheroes?
What about Phil Jackson coaching Michael Jordan? Or Tiger Woods learning golf under the tutelage of his father? Or Tom Brady under Bill Belichick? Or Bruce Lee training under the wing of Master Ip Man.
I’m running out of examples here but the point is this:
All the great and powerful men – both in history and in fiction – had someone helping, guiding, training and teaching them how to be great and powerful.
They had COACHES.
Having a coach doesn’t mean you’re weak.
In fact, it’s the opposite.
Having a coach means you acknowledge that something great lies within you and you need help curbing, harnessing, developing, guiding and, ultimately, using it in order to realize its full potential.
Otherwise, you could end up with wasted talent, or worse yet, abused potential.
Now you don’t have to realize something inside you is great first before deciding to get a coach. Most often, a well-chosen coach will bring out the business man or the ninja in you that you never even thought existed. You just have to be willing to dig deep and be REAL & HONEST with yourself.
So do you need a coach?
Here are a few reasons why you do:
You need someone to tell you to tell you the truth and be brutally honest about what needs to be done – and help you actually do it, instead of someone who just listens to you and waits for you to “get in touch” with yourself.
I have nothing against therapy or therapists, but if you’re truly committed to results, uh uh, ain’t gonna happen brother.
If you want something done, go do it. If you want something changed, go change it. If you want to live a fuller life, go live it.
A good coach will do that for you.
A coach will tell you, “Here’s what you’re doing right… Continue doing it. And here’s how you can do it better. And here’s where you suck…And, here’s how you can change it: Step 1… Step 2… Step 3…”
There’s nothing wrong with “getting in touch with your inner self”, to a certain extent or “letting go of the guilt” or any of that therapy stuff.
But if it’s not getting you the results you desire in life or business, then it’s time to make a change.
You need someone who’ll objectively talk to you about personal relationships in depth, instead of going to your friends and family.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with talking to your friends and family when it comes to dating, sex, women, relationships and the like. I do it a lot and I do it all the time.
But the thing about talking to friends and family about these things is that they’re mostly on your side. They will most likely tell you things you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. They’ll encourage you and stop there.
Also, when you talk with friends about women, there’s always the possibility the conversation turns sexual – does she have a great body, is she attractive, have you gotten to first base yet. This is mostly the case with men who didn’t have a strong male-role model growing up, and has developed issues dealing with women, especially attractive ones.
If you’re with an attractive woman for the first time and you can’t help but check out her physicality or stop thinking only about having sex with her, you’re NOT being a real man – In fact, you’re giving your masculinity away by acting like you need something from the woman.
And this is really exposing your weakness as a man if you meet a woman who recognizes this and uses it to her advantage. You’d end up in a whole lot of trouble if a strong woman senses your “primal instincts” and decides to have a bit of fun on your expense. There are other words for this type of man…
These kinds of situations typically can’t be discussed productively with friends over beer, or with family over dinner.
A coach on the other hand will help you analyze your situation, tell you the things you need to hear, break down your perception of women, dating and relationships to the bare essentials, help you pinpoint your areas of opportunity and guide you into making tangible and measurable changes to your behavior until you get optimum results.
You need someone to hold you accountable.
This is perhaps one of the most important things a coach can do for you – hold you accountable.
It doesn’t matter if someone listens to you objectively, helps you process your issues and guides you to developing a viable action plan.
If that person does not force you to act and hold you accountable for applying and putting that action plan in motion, you’re not getting any results at all.
This is especially true for men who didn’t have a strong enough father figure to look up to growing up.
What I see alot is the men who are struggling in their adult years really weren’t effectively taught discipline, respect and responsibility by their fathers. And probably didn’t get some good ass whooping’s when they deserved it. And likely more impactful, never received the appreciation for a job well done either.
That’s the kind of nurturing, yet aggressively developmental environment that a coach can give you.
A coach will tell you what needs to be done, helps you do it, kicks your butt if you don’t and continues doing so until you do.
You need someone to beat some purpose into you.
All great and powerful men have one thing in common – PURPOSE.
They know they were put in the world for a reason and worked hard to find out that reason and fulfill it.
Now, you don’t have to be another Alexander the Great or Julius Ceasar to do this. Not all purposes are grandiose and full of glitter and pageantry.
Most life purposes are simple, but make profound and significant difference in the lives of the people for whom they’re created for. Your purpose doesn’t necessarily have to be epic like finding a cure for AIDS and cancer, colonizing Mars and the rest of the planets in the solar system, creating the next facebook, Amazon or Google (although if you’re up to it, you can go ahead and take a similar purpose).
Maybe your purpose is to be an entrepreneur who impacts the lives of the people in your community. Maybe your purpose is to be the voice of your co-workers to higher management. Maybe your purpose is to help save the environment. Maybe your purpose is to be the best dad in the world or the best husband in the universe.
Whatever your purpose is, a coach will help you unravel it, guide you into discovering talents and skills you have inside that can help you realize your purpose, teach you how to unify your talents and skills with a singular goal to fulfill your purpose and beat you into action until your purpose is fulfilled.
You need the freedom to express yourself.
Traditionally, men are taught to keep their emotions in check. Real men don’t cry. Real men don’t swoon. Macho men curse and spit and fart and fight and do the stuff all macho men do. Men who show warm/fuzzy stuff are frowned upon.
This results in pent up emotions and a total incapacity to deal with it leading to anger issues and even violent behavior.
Men should learn how to be in touch with their emotions as much as women. A mastery of one’s emotions is a life changing skill. Note – the operative term here is “mastery”. It’s worlds different from “keeping in check” or even “bottling up”.
You need to know that despite being a man, you’re still human, and humans feel emotions. When you’re sad, you look mopey or you cry. When you’re happy, you smile or laugh. When you’re in love, you float When you’re hurt, you feel pain. When you’re angry, you breathe fire. It’s normal.
Our internal communication we have through these emotions effects our external experience. Put another way, the quality of our communication will determine the quality of our life. Internal communication with ourselves, and external with others.
A coach will help you master your emotions rather than keep them pent up. A good coach will teach you how to relieve yourself of unwanted stress and tension. This is essential to living a healthy life. This is essential to living a truly free life.
Stress kills. Seriously. And so does emotions buried deep in the heart for so long.
You need someone whom you can really call your friend whom you can always call for help with whatever.
I’m not talking about your go-to buddies for Friday night beer or Saturday night poker.
I’m talking about a brother who will hold your ass accountable when you’re weak.
Someone who exists to help you grow and become who you ought to be.
Someone who won’t hesitate to call you out on your b.s. when you’re out of line.
Someone you can call in the middle of the night after you’ve had a bad fight with your wife or girlfriend.
Someone you can call in the middle of a tough deal to help shed some light on your situation and help disperse the clouds of doubt and fear.
Someone who will help you hide dead bodies, so to speak.
A coach can do that for you – and more.
You need someone to tell you things you need to hear.
Most of the time, we surround ourselves with people who caress our egos, kiss our asses and whisper all forms of flattery in our ears. And as much as this does wonders for your confidence, this does nothing but hurt your development in the long run.
If you really want to reach and realize your full potential, you need someone to tell it to your face that you’re playing it too small.
You need someone to tell you things you need to hear – no matter how difficult to accept and how hurtful they may be – instead of just the things you want to hear.
There’s nothing that hurts more than to have someone who you think is on your side tell you what you’re doing sucks. But if the intention is to beat you into shape and actually get you to do the real work, then that person is truly on your side, and you need to shove your pride aside and listen up.
A good coach will not be afraid to tell you what you’re doing is wrong, shutdown all your excuses and tell you to go to hell if you pull the “I’m paying you to coach me not to disagree with me” card. He’ll show you the reasons why he said you’re wrong and proceed to show you a better way, teach you how to do it and guide you while you do it. And if you do things right, you’ll be able to look back and see for yourself exactly what you were doing wrong the first time.
Breakthrough at the Beach is a one of a kind coaching and mastermind event designed for men who were built to be great and powerful individuals, who realize this and are ready to turn their potential, into a reality.
Yes, some outsiders have questioned some of the methodology behind Breakthrough at the Beach, saying we’re to rough and physical violence on one another has nothing to do with impacting your life or business results. Well, we’re 100% ok with outsiders being wrong.
The men’s results that have attended Breakthrough have proven otherwise, in the form of Results.
Real Results, in all areas of life.
And at the end of the day, results are all that matter.
Find Your Freedom At The Beach
Love & Honor,
Brant Phillips – Creator, Breakthrough At The Beach